Monday, October 24, 2011

THIS IS NOT OK!!!! Halloween edition...

I am well aware that Halloween is one of those times of year that provides something of an excuse for walking around drunk and dressed like a hooker with the interests of a 6 year old (Slutty Kitty, Slutty Princess, Slutty Disney Princess).  I personally never use this particular "Hall Pass" as I am an adult woman with naturally big boobs, which means I spend the majority of my time trying to avoid making normal things look slutty (Slutty Business Suit, Slutty T-Shirt, Slutty anything that would look normal on most people).  
 Despite my choice not to participate, I try not to judge if other ladies choose to greet this holiday beaver first. I'm comfortable with you dressing "Sexy" (read: slutty, skanky). I'm comfortable with you dressing trashy and tacky. But that being said...there is a line and the above costume IS WAY OVER THE LINE. 

Someone please explain to me how dressing up as a "Sexy" Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtle (this is going to continue to stay in quotes, because if you think this is sexy, everything you believe/say should be in quotes, forever)  is remotely OK.

Lets break this down:

Teenage: "Sexy" if you're a creep/felon/pedo
Mutant: Self explanatory - is Chernobyl sexy now?
Ninja: Maybe "Sexy" on a dude, but mostly just covered from head to toe in black with those weird footy toe-sock-shoes that are "sexy" on no one
Turtle: Quite possible the un-sexiest of animals. Seriously, its a shell and creepy dry skin, and a face that looks like a dried penis
Thematic Issues: The TMNT are a bale of teenage boys. This costume would make more sense if it was named "Creepy Old Turtle Lady Who Tries to Lure Teenage Turtle Boys Into Her Van (with pizza)" - COTLWTLTTBIHV(wp)

Meow, you may think that I am over thinking this or being a bit melodramatic, but you'd be wrong. For those of you who know Biscuit and I personally, you know that we are, and have always been, big fans of the TMNT.  We have amazing hand crafted TMNT beanies that we wear about town with our TMNT posse.  We are also deeply committed to jokes and Halloween is a great time for jokes.

I think that a "Sexy" Halloween costume can also be funny and culturally relevant, like Sexy Muammar Ghaddafi, or Sexy Betty White. But as a lady, wearing a "Sexy" costume of a teenage boy is creepy and demonstrates that while you may be "Sexy"  you probably have a difficult time with reading comprehension, and thinking in general.  Maybe you should consider being a "Sexy" box of hammers instead.

Note the irony of the Recommended accessories for this costume.



  1. The ad I had matched to this post was for "easy sausage pizza." Who doesn't like "easy sausage," AMIRITE?

  2. My ad was for a "sexy" banana costume... did not see that one coming... I clicked on that damn link you provided - now i will be re-targeted all day on my work computer with "sexy" costumes! darn it!

  3. Right now I have Sexy Orange Tiger, Sexy tootsie roll, and sexy black swan!

    1. Tootsie rolls look like little dog poops, and therefore can never be sexy
    2. isn't the whole point of black swan that she's the sexy swan?