Thursday, October 6, 2011

Listen to me Adele

Dear Adele,

Look: I am truly sorry you have obviously had a difficult couple of years in the 'ole romance department. And, I do realize how much better it must make you feel to purge those emotions in song, but seriously fellow lady, you're killing us.

Here's the situation: us ladies are out there in this man-world, fighting to be taken seriously as strong and level headed business people. We're using business-words while maintaining our business-faces in our business-pants. We're making things happen. Big things. And people are respecting the shit out of us.

The catchy power-beats of top 40 radio stations usually provide us background noise or headphone distraction for all this business action. And then, "Someone Like You" hits Number 1 one on the billboard top 100.

Suddenly we're Achilles being stalked by an army of rabid chihuahuas. We tear up and lose our business-voices. At the faintest rumble of those sweet, sweet, rolling piano chords and the sound of your sing-crying, our voices crack like Justin Bieber.

All of that crazy-sad is instantly transferred to us. For me, it's like everyone I have ever loved and lost walks in, tells me I'm fat, and then convinces me it's my fault that they've joined forces to come inform me.

On top of it all, you're a trickster. You've convinced us ladies that we like this. We like it so much, we pay money for it and give you awards. We've made that shit a number one hit, and now we have to deal with it more often. I'm going to need you to happy this stuff up. Stat.

We know how you feel, we do. But, be cool lady, you can just talk to us. We'll tell you why he's not worth it and how his new chick's ass may be awesome, but that's fading, and she'll never fix that one wonky eye. We're all sisters, theres no need to go ruining everyones mascara.

Thank you,

HB, Lady

P.S. Thank you for being pretty and not looking hungry (you get points for that)

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