Texts from Holar: presented without commentary

Baller on a Budget: Christmas

Are you broke like me? I'm so broke that I'm making all my Christmas presents for my friends and family. I'm sure they'll be thrilled. I can't post this year's awesome gifts until I send them,  but wanted to share one of my favorite past homemade goods: a hand made holiday card crafted just for HB:

Happy Birthday Holar Bear!

I am a Holar Bear, I live North of everywhere, I live at the top of the world! The furry white coat, I wear in the snow, keeps me warm when it's 20 below!

Greater than the sum of our parts

This is how I feel when I get to hang out with my sister. I feel like we are greater than the sum of our parts. We're cool alone, but we're better when we're together.

We're like Captain Planet, when our powers combine. We're like Voltron. The Power Rangers. Mac and Cheese. Rainbows and Unicorns. Donnie, Danny, Joey, Jordan, and Jonathan. Salt n Pepa.

You get the idea. Sisters are awesome.

Real Life Math: Biscuit + Bear

Biscuit

+

Bear 

=

Bear Biscuits

Here's the recipe, it has 5 stars. I bet we are a delicious combination.

Sista Sista

Sisters! The worst when you're little, and the best when you grow up.

Especially when you're opposites, like Biscuits and Bears.

Sister ESPN

I love my sister. She's one of my best friends, and my number one fan. It wasn't always that way. While we never outright hated each other, we weren't close when we were young. Despite being only two years apart in school, we led totally separate lives. It was probably because in a lot of ways, we are total opposites.

I like to call out my dark hair small boobs vs. her blonde hair big boobs (bitch), but the differences are actually much deeper. She's outgoing, I'm painfully awkward. She loves a good risk, and I am like the Comcast DSL Turtles - I'll wait and see, thank you very much. She's a spender, I'm a saver. But despite all this, as we have gotten older, we have become super close friends, and I love spending what time I can with her.

I think that the older I get, the less I care about what other people think, and the more I want to surround myself with people that "get" me. I don't really want to put a ton of effort into befriending and being around people that aren't super spectacular. That's the best thing about Hola Bear, and why we have become so close. Sometimes we don't even have to speak to know exactly what the other is thinking. Then, when we do talk, it's like we speak our own language. An example from a conversation several years ago:

Biscuit: Where is your apartment?

Hola Bear: It's in Oakland. Near Jack London Square.

B: I have no idea what that means. Where is it in relation to the dinosaurs?

HB: Oh it's pretty close, I'm right near the water.

Dad (overhearing): What the hell are you guys talking about?

Obviously I was referring to the dinosaurs in the Port of Oakland. I have no idea what they are actually called. Cranes? Cargo box movers? Brontosauruses? They look like dinosaurs, and so I always thought of them as such. I had never said this out loud, nor talked to HB about the Oakland dinosaurs, but she just got it. Because she gets me. And that's why she is so freaking fantastic.

Welcome to our blog. We have talked for a long time about putting our weird sense of humor into some sort of a project, and finally we decided on the most ground-breaking, original idea of all time: a lady blog for lady bits. Bow down to our wizardly creativity.

We hope you like it, but even if you don't - at least we'll have a few good laughs together, in our very own language.