Friday, October 14, 2011

Steal these Pet Names

I like animals more than I like most people. There is probably something wrong with me for feeling this way, but I can't help it - animals are so pure in their intentions and there is NOTHING better than the "welcome home" you get from your puppy at the end of a long day. When I'm going to visit someone's home, usually my first question is, "do have a dog? cats?" And at parties I'm the person that's sitting on the floor in the laundry room with the pent-up dog because he's totally lonely you guys!

I'm a firm believer in funny pet names. My first arfer is a 4-year-old terrier/poodle mutt named George Michael. My second is a 2-year-old boxer lady named Sweet Dee. Bonus: telling people my dogs' names is a great way to quickly gauge if we have common interests!

I want more pets, but I realize that with my 1-bedroom city apartment and that whole "work" thing, I can't. I dream of one day retiring to a dog compound in the mountains, next to my imaginary dairy farm. I'll make cheese during the day with the help of my herd of mutts. It's going to be AWESOME. In all my dog fantasies (eww, not like that weirdos) I name my future pets.

Since I can't have any more fur babies, and I have so many more name ideas, I wanted to share them with the internets. I've grouped them by theme, and though I'm partial to arfers, these would be good for cats, fish, birds, ferrets, monkeys - anything! Please steal these pet names.

(Other) Animals
  • Kitty (bonus AD reference)
  • Donkey (bonus Shrek reference)
  • Monkey
  • Cat (for a dog)
  • Squirrel
Fictional Characters
  • Donkey
  • Gob
  • Tobias (I already named someone else's cat Tobias - excellent fit given his cat-like agility)
  • Lucille
  • Regina George
  • Gretchen Wieners (please someone name your Daschund Gretchen Wieners)
  • Don Draper
  • The Dude
  • Mr. G
  • Ja'mie King
  • Dwight (Schrute)
  • Bill Lumbergh
  • Milton
  • Walter White
  • Snookie
  • DJ Pauly D
  • Khal Drogo
  • Kelly Kapowski
  • Jesse Spano
  • AC Slater
Famous People
  • Jon Hamm
  • Lindsay Lohan
  • Suri Cruise
  • Paula Deen
  • Sandra Lee
  • Bret and Jemaine
  • Biggie
  • Big Pun
  • Chingy
  • DJ Jazzy Jeff
  • Dr. Dre
  • Fresh Prince
  • Kanye
  • Lil Kim
  • Layzie Bone
  • Bizzy Bone
  • Krayzie Bone
  • Queen Latifah
  • Old Dirty Bastard
  • Tupac
  • P. Diddy
  • Michael Jordan
  • Meta World Peace
  • Joe Montana
  • Vlade Divac
  • Steve Nash
  • Charles Woodson
  • Kareem Abdul Jabbar
  • Wayne Gretzky
What did I forgot? What's your favorite future pet name?


  1. How did you leave out Fred Sanford. Your arf-phew's name is Fred Sanford. Recognize.


  2. Also "The Chairman" is a good pet name. Think of the possibilities. "The Chairman is hungry", "The Chairman needs to poop". Glorious.

  3. I'm really ashamed I missed Fred Sanford. I'm sorry little Red Fox. I'll have to write a separate post.

    "Titles" would definitely be a good category. The Chairman, Mr./Mrs. President, Her/His Grace... yes, yes I like this.