Wednesday, February 22, 2012

The Box: America's New Favorite Pastime?

So last night was weird...and awesome.

I may have had some alcohols. yeah I said it: alcohols. That's what we're calling many drinks now.

Anywho, I ended up in the care of a friend who happens to manage a very trendy restaurant in the lower east side.  Being the cool industry insider he is, he invited us to join him in visiting his friends who work at "The Box".

I have heard of  "The Box". I know it's a crazy New York club that puts on quite a "show".  I had an idea that I was going see some things that Rick Santorum would prefer were illegal. I was fully prepared to be appalled or disgusted.

What I was not prepared for was how much fun it was. It is honestly the most fun club I have ever been too. Its small and the space is great looking. The music was completely danceable and everyone in the place was having the time of their lives. The show was amazing. Sure there were things that are not appropriate to describe here on the blog my Dad reads, but mostly it was just cool artists. There was an aerialist who did a great routine to Pink Floyd, a quick change act, a dancing bear (stripper), good clean fun.  I am not normally a club person, but I would be happy to go back to The Box.

Cut to this morning and my needing to share this experience with Biscuit. We googled "The Box" together (so she could get some visuals for my story) and consequently discovered our new favorite pastime: reading online reviews of The Box.

Seriously, you guys, the internet gets no better than this. People trying to describe something obscene in a publicly appropriate way, people angry that they couldn't get in because the "Face Control" was too strict (Ha!), and people trying to act blase' about the shock value of The Box.

Here Biscuit and I present some choice excerpts from those reviews. We think these are best read in Stefon's voice, because we're pretty sure this whole series of sketches is based upon SNL cast members' experiences at The Box. Here's a clip to get you in the right head space.  Dad, stop reading. Everyone else, enjoy.

 "A ticket to the show that is, and after the show you may feel getting molested by midgets or seeing a man with bigger boobs than your mom shave his testicles is not worth the money you just paid. Or is it? Our last trip was close enough to the holidays we got to experience the Santa Vagina and it was everything you can imagine... a bearded vagina zoomed in on the big screen and talking to the crowd. I don't actually remember what it said was totally distracted by it's beard and santa hat." -Emily B.
"The show was absolutely insane. I've greyed out, but I do remember Michael Jackson, aerial silks, a naked ballerina, a 70's foxy brown pulling dildos out of her fro....then pulling something out of her **** AND her *****, a tranny peeing on the front row, the MC giving a lap dance to the swedish guys in the front row that got peed on.....the rest is kinda fuzzy." - Caroline K.
"The Box... really? I'm not sure what all the hype was all about - I spent 6 years in Bangkok so I'm used to seeing Transvestite and Freak Shows. I remember one time my ex convinced us to go watch the Ping Pong show in Patpong - now that was some freaky mindf*ck stuff. " - Bo C. is not impressed
"Well, I got knocked in the head by a chick swinging from the ceiling by a rope.
And then a dude with a full Colonel Sam mustache and tight leather pants pinched my butt.
And two drag queens on stage asked me to change into something more comfortable." - Jane K.

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